LuRain Penny’s 8 THINGS WOMEN CRAVE IN BED over 1900 hits on Youtube

Thanks for all the viewers who have made

8 THINGS WOMEN CRAVE IN BED

a success – due in part to LuRain’s song

BLACK WIDDA.

 

8 THINGS is one in a series of small films based on Miss Penny’s original tunes.

See them all on Youtube.

Check out

8 THINGS WOMEN CRAVE IN BED

here on Miss Penny’s passon page -

Thanks again for making an old lady happy!

 

 

-lp(c)09-

 

 

 

Been sexier

About Miss Penny’s passion page

LuRain’s Maintenance Drinker in the New Age

Than I Look

LuRain’s State of Espousal

LuRain’s Myspace Music Page

At the Moment

L & Penny Films on Youtube

theCodifyer – our Artist

Meet the Beaver – Mel Gibson’s next project – LuRain don’t make this up

 

Jodie Foster is set to direct Mr. Gibson in a film about a depressed man who finds solace in his beaver hand puppet.

Who could make this up?

I can just hear the late night comics now.

Humor sure is ironic.

 

-lp(c)09-

 

 

 

Carradine :: A cautionary tale by LuRain Penny

 

What a week of un-timely demise and departure.

Miasma sweeps the Globe.

Even my home lay in the swath of it’s scythe.

(Sad tidings to tell later.)

*

With hesitancy I comment on the David Carradine bizness.

What rough wages for sin.

Ignoble.

Embarrassing as all get out.

*

Remind me of some other folks – who went - leaving one last image to rock preconception of their natures.

Even art ain’t the same – once you know how they died.

Octo Mel – Repopulating the Outback – Miss Penny in dismay

 

  Not content with having sired 7 children by his long time and devoted wife, Mr. Gibson has knocked up his mistress.

 Nothing makes an older man smugger than knowing his sperm still viable.

He is a very bad Catholic for one so righteous.

This come as no surprise, and his claim of it being ‘unplanned’ is laughable.

Cats don’t believe in birth control and obviously he weren’t performing coitus interruptus.

It was the Will of God.

Also repeated violations of the Law on Chance.

Not to cast aspirstions on the lady in question – she already have a child with a  famous older man.

It suggests a habit with her.

Apparently Mr. Gibsons children are traumatized by this news and have dashed straight to their attorneys.

 Throwing their arms around the inheritance before the little usurper sees the light of day.

My, my, he taught those kids right – didn’t he?

Look after number one.

Christ.

 

 -lp(c)09-

Update – Kenyan Women sex ban ends/ Man sues his wife – LuRain applaudes the strategy and wonders over outcome

Update:

The ban has ended, with no word yet on its success.

However one man is suing his wife over “mental anguish, stress, backaches, lack of concentration” due to lack of conjugal rights.

I wonder just what he expects to gain from this action.

I’d never sleep with him again.

*

In an effort to make the male rulers to stop their squabbling and get a move on  -  Kenyan women’s activist groups are calling for a 7 day ban on sex .

The Women’s Development Coalition even plans to pay prostitutes to join in, and have sent envoys to ask the wives of  President Kimbaki and  Prime Minister Odinga to participate.

These groups is fed up with the violence which has wracked their country.

They’ve decided to use the ultimate weapon.

I give the women high marks for feeling empowered enough to confront their men in the most intimate of settings.

There is some controversy as to whether a man can go more than two days without sex.

I say – hard cheese.

 Good luck to the Kenyan Women.

Sometimes the only way to get men to pay attention, is to stop catering  to their smaller head.

When I know more, dear reader, so will you.

Love,

LuRain

x

-lp(c)09-

 

 

 

BBC asks is birth control to important to leave to men? – LuRain laughs

 

After millennium of having nothing for men to use as contraception except the hated rubber, scientists have finally come up with a painless, no brainer shot to keep little spermies at bay.

Touted as a possible revolution in birth control, this injection taken monthly apparently puts  a halt to the little swimmers production while it is being used, and is reversible.

Isn’t that nice?

Since ancient man figured out to shove a stone up a camels uterus to stop fertilization, males abdicated birth control as the woman’s look out.

We females been splooshing, packing, douching, jumping up and down since time began.

We got the IUD – see camel – diaphram, sponge, and pills galore – all with side effects and injurious to our health over long term.

If the ‘worse’ happens, frequently, we stuck with it.

Dating Tips from a lady who learned the hard way – LuRain Penny

I been reading lots of the dating tips here on the computer, usually written by young types who have no trouble getting asked out.

The problem is, they telling you how to impress a prospective dalliance, and not really giving you clues on how to spot a lulu in the first 5 minutes.

If you keep your wits about you, and libido in check,  you should be able to figure whether or not a person is someone to spend more than a meal with.

Here’s a few insights on how to suss if you should go any further than the restaurant. 

Remember, you not going to change anybody.

Don’t even start off thinking  ‘this guy would be perfect if only’.

*

1.

Watch how they eat.

This will tell you a great deal.

Folks that talk with their mouth full, splooing all over the front of themselves and you in an effort to keep the conversation going has got serious issues.

Do they smack their lips or chew with they mouth open?

Could you really put up with looking at that for a lifetime, or even a week?

Update :: Berlusconi Divorce – LuRain on il scandalo!

 

Update:

Signor Berlusconi has publically demanded an apology from his wife for embarrassing him with scurrilous allegations.

He doesn’t think the marriage will survive, and he’s considering suing her for defamation.

These Italians love to wave their wash out the window, don’t they?

*

Proving money can’t buy you love, Italian billionaire and by the way, Prime Minister, is losing his young sexy wife.

Apparently she isn’t young enough.

Veronica Lario has said loud enough for somebody to hear  -

“That’s enough, I cannot remain with a man who consorts with minors.”

Mr. Berlusconi attended a birthday party for a 18 year old girl, and the rumor is he gave this child a gold and diamond necklace.

His wife has previously criticised his choice of inexperienced but gorgeous female candidates to represent his Freedom Party.

She wrote in an email  that this was  -

“for the entertainment of the emperor.”

So, how is the Pope going to react to such sacrilege?

One thing I know as a Lapse Cat – everybody going to Hell.

*

Wow, hot stuff.

And bound to get spicier.

What a way to take our minds off everything else.

Ha!

 

-lp(c)09-

Mel, oh Mel – LuRain’s sexual obsession comes available but …….

Mel Gibson’s wife, Robyn has filed for a divorce.

This is pretty radical for her. As a staunch Catholic, she must have taken the spiritual condemnation this will involve VERY seriously.

He don’t want to pay her for having enough kids to re-populate the Outback while they was married, and is arguing against spousal support.

He going through the Male Menopause.

Gone in 60 seconds – LuRain reviews the latest treatment for premature ejaculation

 

 

Why is it that the vast majority of sexual remedies created by scientists are for men?

As if Viagra, Cialis and such were not enough - a numbing spray has now been developed to assist men who ejaculate prematurely to have sex for about 240 seconds.

For some guys that is a long time.

Give yourself a spritz and wait 5 minutes – enough time to touch up with Just For Men.

Bingo! No more grey and ready to play.

EeeRected.

*

This spray is an anesthetic – which means it deadens the over eager organ.

No research was been done on how this might effect the partner.

Seems to me -being penetrated by something saturated in Novocaine would prove equally effective in reducing the partners chances of reaching orgasm.

But then, hey – they’ll work that out another time.

*

I’m not making light of a situation which I’m sure is very frustrating for the male that suffers it.

That said - I’d like to point out a few things:

Lancet skewers the Pope on condom statements – Miss Penny opines

 

When in Africa recently, the Pope stated that condom use would aggravate the  proliferation of  HIV/AIDS and that

“the traditional teaching of the Church has proven to be the only failsafe way to prevent the spread.”

Is he kidding?

 

Popping an Eardrum – is kissing potenially deafening? – LuRain asks

 

In the last few months, women around the world have experienced deafness after kissing their man.

One wonders, how long has this been going on?

According to the doctors treating these unfortunate females, those with a previously perforated eardrum might indeed go deaf, especially if the male is sucking with enough pressure to pull brains out through the mouth.

GREAT BIG MAN – words and music by LuRain Penny

http://myspace.com/lurainpenny

  

Great Big Man

 

You’re gonna have to woo me

If you want this pot of gold

You’re gonna have to woo me, baby

If you want this pot of gold.

You can tell just by looking in my direction

That is body never ever been sold.

I want you to kiss me

Like never in my life before

I want you to kiss me

Like never in my life before

I want you to kiss me till I come all over crazy, baby

Then kiss me some more.

It takes a great big man

To lay this woman down

It takes a real man, baby

To lay this little woman down

You gonna have to prove to me, baby

You ain’t just catting around……

 

To hear me singing this song:

 

-lp(c)09-

A Lady’s Guide to Self-Pleasuring – LuRain keeps her finger on the button

 

This site is dedicated to sex and relationships.

But why should single folks be left out?

I’m going say at the get go, no point in telling a man nothing about jerking off.

I suspect the will to wank is embedded in the masculine DNA.

From the first mammal, who evolved the genitalia such that it emerged; becoming both public and handy – males can’t keep their paws off theyselves.

Watch any man for any length of time – sooner or later he gonna to re-arrange the sock drawer.

I once had a ‘lover’ who always finished himself off after we’d had sex, no matter how many orgasms he’d had with me!

I don’t want to delve into the psychology of this type of person , we gonna move swiftly past and on to the subject at hand.

A Libidinous Lament by LuRain Penny

Here we are snug in bed -

we’ve had our drink and evening Med.

At last the daily cares have fled.

Honey, won’t you give me head?

 

I’ve thrown aside the book I read.

Can’t remember what it said.

I want something else instead -

Honey, why not give me head?

 

I’m laying still with legs outspread

and just as sweet as gingerbread -

Don’t make me ask your cousin Ted -

Honey, time to give me head.

 

Through every year that we been wed

I am the needle to your thread - 

I’m begging - once before I’m dead -

How ’bout giving me some head?

 

;~))

 

 

-lp(c)09-

 

 

 

WEAR RED the movie – the reviews are in!

 

LuRain Honey,

I gotta tell ya, even Republican men are dialing YOU up for “what to wear” tips.  

I saw a 70 something dude wearing RED sweatpants,

& white patent leather golf cleats in the dining room of the country club where I play piano

with one hand on a “neet” Chivas Regal  & the other on his ol’ ladies (very easy to find) ass!

You’re going global, Lu.

 Those dividend dudes from AIG will be checking you out for sure….

Randy Byrnes

*

LuRain showcasing her creative emotion!
This piece may be giving us a glimpse of who LuRain is
or wants to be. What she needs and how she feels. A
culmination of human emotion.
  
Provocative!
Nostalgic!
Inviting!
Scary!
Hollywood meets Broadway!

Love,

Scott

LuRain Penny’s WEAR RED the movie

WEAR RED

STARS:

 

 

LuRain Penny stars in this film based on her most popular song – WEAR RED.

The story of a woman enduring a boring relationship, who uses her wits and wiles to bring the zing back.

Miss Penny, torch-singer and songwriter was called ‘genius’ by Bob Harrington in Backstage and had the longest running cabaret act in NYC during the late 80’s.

Featuring Miss Beryl Stone and introducing Stooey in his first dramatic role.

Directed and edited by theCodifyer, WEAR RED is sexy, funny and touching.

*

Miss Penny comments:

There are no small awards, just tiny statues.

Every project is a devotion of labor and love.

Let us hear your applause and critique.

Please leave us word you stopped by.

Thanks from all our hearts.

Love,

LuRain

x

 

 

 

 

 

 

-lp(c)09-

WEAR RED – music and lyrics by LuRain Penny

http://myspace.com/lurainpennymusic

 

WEAR RED by LuRain Penny 

Lovin’ needs rejuvenation

every now and then

It often takes determination

to light the spark again.

Try showing how much you care

When choosing what to wear….

 

When your love has lost erection

Clothe the heart in self-protection

You can change this sad reflection

If you use your head.

You will find your next best course is

Relying on your own resources

Marriages end in divorces

When the urge is dead.

 

Wear Red –  start a fire

Wear Red –  bring back his desire

Wear Red –  give sex free expression

Wear Red - it will lift depression

Wear Red - when his strength is lagging

Wear Red - and stop the nagging

Wear Red -  move the blame out

Wear Red - till he calls your name out

One of these days he’s gonna miss

There’s no taste quite like your kiss

Wear Red, lady wear red.

 

Is it worth these machinations

To allay your mate’s frustrations?

When it comes to good relations

Best to start in bed.

 

Wear Red - with a creamy filling

Wear Red - till his flesh is willing

Wear Red - be a three alarmer

Wear Red - to remove his armor

When Red - then go out with fellas

Wear Red - make him very jealous

Wear Red - date his brother

Wear Red - you are not his mother

You will learn more than you thought

He’ll be burning if you stay hot

Wear Red, lady wear red

Wear Red, lady wear red

Wear Red

Wear Red.

 *

 

To hear me singing this song, click here:

http://myspace.com/lurainpennymusic

  WEAR RED the movie!  CHECK IT OUT!

 

 

 

L&Penny Music

All Rights Reserved 

-lp(c)09-

 

 

LuRain reveals The Best Place for Your Sex Life………

   

I only have one beau at a time. Too many bows spoil the present.

Mel Gibson is my sexual obsession.

We’ve had a relationship for years that is perfect,

because he don’t know nothing about it.

He lost a lot of popularity over the years. It is hard to be a drunk in a public setting. I know this too well.

Perhaps that is why I am able to forgive his missteps.

It is even harder to be a dry drunk.

That is a person who hasn’t been able to come to terms with what drives the complusion to self destruction and so acts out in frustration from not being allowed to engage the pressure valve.

We none of us perfect.

*

I fell for him when he was a beautiful young man.

On the piano, during all my shows in NYC, I had his framed picture.

One year, on my birthday, he sent me a telegram – which I still have, pressed between the pages of the only Dictionary I ever owned.

I will never forget his kindness to me, an old stranger in love with a gorgeous boy.

It is for that he still holds the place of sexiness in my heart.

*

I like to imagine my head

on Raquel Welches body.

Pretty weird,

but it works for us.

*

Best place for your sex life is in your mind.

Then you can do it with anybody you want

anytime anywhere

no muss no fuss.

no harm, no foul.

 

*~}

 

-lp(c)09-

LuRain Penny’s – 8 Things Women Crave in Bed – the illustrated version

  

Bouyed by the success of our illustrated version of 8 Things Men Crave in Bed,

the lady I live with got out her scissors and glue again.

It is even sexier than the first one, but then women are, aren’t we?

This film got over 1700 hits on YouTube!

LuRain Penny – 8 Things Men Crave in Bed – Glamour magazine I beg to differ

Saw the cover of a young woman’s magazine while idling at the doctor’s office.

The title of one of the stories caught my attention. 

The lady I live with, read me a bit – I got the drift.

Lick him between the toes stuff.

I had more sex than hot dinners.

Here’s my  list:

WEAR RED to drive men crazy – LuRain ahead of the curve

 

Scientists love to study the obvious. So little chance of disappointment.

Now they come up with research any flag waving child could have told them -

Red drives men crazy.

LuRain Penny – 8 Things Women Crave in Bed – don’t need no magazine tell me what I like

Does Your Lover have Another? – LuRain dishes the dirt

 

 

Lately I seen articles written by guys to women, on how to tell if your man is running around.

They ought to know.

But their insight only go so far.

They ain’t going to give you the dirty.

What is good for the goose, goes for the gander.

Women are just as capable of duplicity as any man.

Sometimes better at it.

The clues apply to both men and women.

Here they are:

Happiness is contagious – what could be sexier? – LuRain’s gleeful report

 

 

Friends,

I love this. Scientists have discovered that happiness spreads.

One person can infect everybody they come in contact with.

LuRain Penny’s 8 Things Men Crave in Bed – with illustrations

 

Here’s my most popular blog, set to my tune -

Great Big Man. 

Dedicated to all you guys out there.

Enjoy!